Thursday, April 15, 2010, 15.4.10
shouts and curse gets deep into me years by days
that day changed everything i was the kid a loser kid who's just dumb and follow the shit
shit which i dont even know but was blame for being a fool even tho i was a loser kid whom didn't know shit
as i grew up knowing what it is it stays as a deep scar that follows me around
everytime mistakes done the scar comes back from curses i have to endure
don't blame me for not having confidence in myself cause i tried my best to stand strong but things just crumbles down every time i manage to overcome it before i could fully lift it away another comes tumbles down on top of it
and am still trying hard alone by myself now sometimes giving up is in my dictionary but i eliminate it by telling myself yes i can do it
and when i fall down no angel gonna help me up maybe they'll come but they would leave you as soon as things are way beyond their weight then another comes and leave too and the same goes on and on
this is my life endures, pain, being left please dont say you care if you know you can't mean it forever this is the reason why its hard for me to trust cause i knew people comes and go and they only meant it at the moment
the reason why its hard to fall in love that easy once you fall deep you just find its just a sweet dream which dont last long nightmares are the ones who is your true follower
i just wish i was swept away to a deserted island which i can stay alone alone by myself and idw to be rescued i just wanna die there at least its peaceful
every night i cry thinking of my sucky life even when i try to make it better none appreciate
psychology books are my true friends it keeps me pump up being positive even if its a while thanks god theres psychology
shouts again earphones on music blast stop all the negativity i dont care no more am not with him anymore mom so you can jump hell yay
for info he was the one who guide me who told me to listen to you i was the one whom is bad why must you blame him blame me, not him
yes am the bad bitch now murder me alrdy my guide is no more thanks to you, its always ended up this way near or far relationship yes its pitiful
am 20 but lifes a hell for me whats the point of living old when you get yell at negativity throw at you daily kill me alrdy use a knife pierce it into me shoot me with a gun hit my head hard that my brain comes pouring out
am sick of crying even if i cry out blood things wont change let it go and move on all i can do. is keep myself pump up and happy :)
Tuesday, April 13, 2010, 13.4.10
A Song for Him
when the world crumbles hard i look up i saw you helding your hand i hold it hard wishing it would stay long cause every living creatures who tried to held their hands it would slip away just as soon as the wind blew it away
i tot you were different different from the past i knew this would comes by one day or another i tried to tell myself no dont get so pump up but i fail to do so i fall deep deep into your spell it blinded me with love love that i can only think of
call me a liar a liar i am thats what people think i'am i believe you were the only soul whom think am not thats when i started to believe in you wishing i was there by you holding you tightly
you see the sun when i see the moon its a total different time you are miles away but i keep telling myself its ok you have a different life from mine but i told myself its ok we can always help each other out
but out of a moon you told me u can't take it any more and am fine with it i just wish for ur happiness happy for who u r and what you did at least i appreciate the happiness you led me thru for that period of time
it hurts badly but its ok sooner or later by all luck or not i need to get over it over and done and vanish
if only you knew why am so fucktard when you told me to be nice cause the nicest thing they would want me is to fuck off from you and i told myself no not this time i dont want every time i had to bck up not this time i love him mom idc yes i am a rebel but am happy when am with him if you hate him you hate me too
to tell the truth sometimes i feel like letting go cause i can't stand it the distance but i try my best to stay put cause i know you love me and i dont want to dissapoint you if he can loves me so do I and i make it, as days past the love burns deeper deeper into my soul
i might be a flirt but only one who stays in my mind whom i mention to everyone i meet never have i cry and saying anyones name except for mom but this time i did it differently w/out realising i cry and said ur name cause all i ever wish was for u to hug me and say its gonna be ok
and everytime before i sleep i cry thinking of you. i even tot of quiting college and come with you cause i can't stand it much longer being too far from you
everyones against me and i was wishing you were the only soul whom i got for me to shed on but you let me go too fast alone and hurt with all the weights crumbling down on me i wont blame you its understood if i was you i would do the same too who wants a problematic gf like me its too stressful i know.
but all i wanna say is i love you truthfully believe it or not i dont give a fuck and i just wish you a happy life and wishes you the best in next life.
and all i wish now is am death death as fast as i can so things wont be fucktard anymore
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20-01-1990
Aquarius
Arabic+Ind
Age: 20
Updated new : 30th March
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