&bang ;

Thursday, April 15, 2010, 15.4.10

shouts and curse
gets deep into me
years by days

that day changed everything
i was the kid
a loser kid
who's just dumb
and follow the shit

shit which i dont even know
but was blame for being a fool
even tho i was a loser kid
whom didn't know shit

as i grew up knowing what it is
it stays as a deep scar
that follows me around

everytime mistakes done
the scar comes back
from curses i have to endure

don't blame me for not having confidence in myself
cause i tried my best to stand strong
but things just crumbles down
every time i manage to overcome it
before i could fully lift it away
another comes tumbles down on top of it

and am still trying hard
alone by myself now
sometimes giving up is in my dictionary
but i eliminate it
by telling myself yes i can do it

and when i fall down
no angel gonna help me up
maybe they'll come
but they would leave you
as soon as things are way beyond their weight
then another comes and leave too
and the same goes on and on

this is my life
endures, pain, being left
please dont say you care
if you know you can't mean it forever
this is the reason why its hard for me to trust
cause i knew people comes and go
and they only meant it at the moment

the reason why its hard
to fall in love that easy
once you fall deep
you just find its just a sweet dream
which dont last long
nightmares are the ones
who is your true follower

i just wish
i was swept away to a deserted island
which i can stay alone
alone by myself
and idw to be rescued
i just wanna die there
at least its peaceful

every night i cry
thinking of my sucky life
even when i try to make it better
none appreciate

psychology books are my true friends
it keeps me pump up being positive
even if its a while
thanks god theres psychology

shouts again
earphones on music blast
stop all the negativity
i dont care no more
am not with him anymore mom
so you can jump hell yay

for info he was the one who guide me
who told me to listen to you
i was the one whom is bad
why must you blame him
blame me, not him

yes am the bad bitch
now murder me alrdy
my guide is no more
thanks to you, its always ended up this way
near or far relationship
yes its pitiful

am 20 but lifes a hell for me
whats the point of living old when you get yell at
negativity throw at you daily
kill me alrdy
use a knife pierce it into me
shoot me with a gun
hit my head hard that my brain comes pouring out

am sick of crying
even if i cry out blood
things wont change
let it go and move on
all i can do.
is keep myself pump up
and happy :)

Tuesday, April 13, 2010, 13.4.10

A Song for Him

when the world crumbles hard
i look up i saw you helding your hand
i hold it hard wishing it would stay long
cause every living creatures who tried to held their hands
it would slip away just as soon as the wind blew it away

i tot you were different
different from the past
i knew this would comes by
one day or another
i tried to tell myself
no dont get so pump up
but i fail to do so
i fall deep
deep into your spell
it blinded me with love
love that i can only think of

call me a liar
a liar i am
thats what people think i'am
i believe you were the only soul whom think am not
thats when i started to believe in you
wishing i was there by you
holding you tightly

you see the sun when i see the moon
its a total different time
you are miles away but i keep
telling myself its ok
you have a different life
from mine
but i told myself its ok
we can always help each other out

but out of a moon
you told me u can't take it any more
and am fine with it
i just wish for ur happiness
happy for who u r
and what you did
at least i appreciate the happiness
you led me thru for that period of time

it hurts badly
but its ok
sooner or later
by all luck or not
i need to get over it
over and done and vanish

if only you knew why am so fucktard
when you told me to be nice
cause the nicest thing they would want me
is to fuck off from you
and i told myself no not this time i dont want
every time i had to bck up
not this time i love him mom
idc yes i am a rebel
but am happy when am with him
if you hate him you hate me too

to tell the truth
sometimes i feel like letting go
cause i can't stand it the distance
but i try my best to stay put
cause i know you love me
and i dont want to dissapoint you
if he can loves me so do I
and i make it,
as days past the love burns deeper
deeper into my soul

i might be a flirt
but only one who stays in my mind
whom i mention to everyone i meet
never have i cry and saying anyones name except for mom
but this time i did it differently w/out realising
i cry and said ur name cause all i ever wish was for u to hug me and say its gonna be ok

and everytime before i sleep i cry
thinking of you.
i even tot of quiting college and come with you
cause i can't stand it much longer being too far from you

everyones against me
and i was wishing you were the only soul
whom i got for me to shed on
but you let me go too fast
alone and hurt with all the weights crumbling down on me
i wont blame you its understood
if i was you i would do the same too
who wants a problematic gf like me
its too stressful i know.

but all i wanna say is
i love you truthfully
believe it or not
i dont give a fuck
and i just wish you a happy life
and wishes you the best
in next life.

and all i wish now is am death
death as fast as i can
so things wont be fucktard anymore