As i grow up I learnt alot of things.Bitter or Sweet its still something i've learnt,and I can say am glad am a different person now.Am thankful to God of this change in me.And altho sometimes I wonder and Qns myself,I can never know even one phrase to answer my own question.Its like i dont know myself.Am not implying I know myself 100%now but at least as I discover&read more psychological books&experience the outside world now I know.Yes I learn the hard ways, but its good,cause noone will open eye w/out learning the hard ways.Trust me.It's never enough to just tell&force.It only help in the slightest way of them being caution.But it never really help in big ways,This is how human minds are,minds have own control.Itcontrol our body&us.And as am a thinker.I dont really let things I feel with telling.I prefer to keep it to myself or write it down. But I know I can't write everything,the reasons are,I got not much time&theres too much to write,and I knew there would be someone who would read it.*this implies on me writing very personal things on my real writing diary*.Sometimes I feel its wrong to peep on someone diary.What would that person feel if someone would to do the same if she/he owns a Diary&someone else would peep on hers/him?Do you think of this?Yes I know what would everyone think,oh i hate him/her,she/he always take my thing w/out my permission.But what you dont know is that hating&taking things else then your diary is something different.Diary is one hearts let out/confessions& the reason to why its written cause the person cant really tell or its just things memories which she want herself to know/remember herself&not let others see or hear.Its the reason why its confidential.And the things she/he took w/out your permission is nvr the same as things in someone mind or heart.No you cant compare it.Nvr.What I've learnt is that in this world,nvr easily trust ppl.No not even if they look like Orlando Bloom or BradPitt.And once you go in wrong lane the ppl always think you're same,even if you told them you've change.They'll laugh at you.But seriouslywhats more important is yourself,you know you've change.And No you dont need anyone trust.What matters is you know&God knows you've change.And everyone does sins and for me you pray hard god will listen to you. And I know my prayers to god is opening slowly waiting it to be open wider.and am Thankful to god for listening to my prayers.Even tho I know am not that very very holy person who goes and pray 24/7 I still know and thanks him always.And everytime I say I hate you to the ppl who are close to me,the truth is all that is a LIE.I can nvr hate any of you.Yes I nvr tell&sometimes am rebellious.But as I walk alone,I think.And theres always guilt in me.sorry is a word which i cant say cause I know saying sorry is never enough,like most ppl they only talk but they nvr meant it.so whats the point ?if only one day my mind or heart can speaks on its own then everyone would know.Why I do this and that?like the phrase "Everything has a reason to everything you do".Its true.And in this world noone is perfect.Even the holiest person on earth has done at least a lil smallest unseen mistakes.what else to the normal,modern,chaotic lifestyles nowsdays?And the reason to me being unattentive is due to my mind always thinking of something.And everytime am alone or before I sleep,I would think or recap the past .And as i've learnt.Now am always thankful in every lil things which happens to me.And I cry at times cause its so touching &am so thankful to god for opening a chance for me and what its called "the doors of fate".And always am thankful,I still have my parents.w/out them i dont know what i would be now?And I love my mom too much that shes my everything.Yes I can be bad &rebellious at times, but I always have the guilt feeling deep down&hate is nvr a thing last long even a day feels like a years.And I do anything for her,even if it would sacrifice my life away.I rather risk myself then others.And everytime she goes to work,well I nvr really tell her but i would say to myself,"god tc of her,and not lets bad things happen to her".And the bestest thing which happen to me lately, is am getting close with mom.like am gaining trust&thats what I always wanted and the wish i wish for since so long.This is why am very very thankful.And I would like to thank my sis&few close friends for being there for me.Yes,it's for everyone.sis thanks for the advices,I always remember even now.And I know its hard to trust someone change.I dont need trust from anyone . whats matters is btw me &god.But am thankful for the advices&help.And now I know why alot of ppl out there always take me for granted.Cause am too nice.No matter how bad I wanna be I cant.So ppl threats me as someone whom to let out all problems.And I can say out of hundreds only 2 comes back when they are fine &living happily,come and say hey thanks bcos of the advices you told me & listening or helping me out to my probs.Yes very lil.Am always thanking the ppl who teaches me&listens to me.and the reasons why I tell ppl bout me is cause I dont know them irl.I dont see them everyday in life.Plus I dont feel comfortable sharing it with mom.altho I always wish she got time for me.Sometimes i hate it when shes always working.Other kids told me thei mom pack them food&stuff.I used to seldom have all these.But now am very very thankful at least my mom kinda close.And when she calls I might say "so troublesome", but at times I like it,it shows she cares for me.And now I can brag to my friends how my mom always call &she did all those sweet things with me.and for the ppl out there who look down on me.But I know am not that bright in IQ.I dont go to JC or POLY.But i believe that one day I can shine like others too,with my own ways.And thats when everyone going to come to me and tap on my back and say gd work am proud of you.and thats when i'll say yes me too, am proud of myself too,am proud that I can show the people whom look down at me that am a shining star Now.So in future dont look down on others.Instead always motivate them,even if they do 1 billion mistakes..Keep saying good stuff to them until they open up their heart and shine.Humans nvr learnt if a person keeps saying em stupid or you cant make it.No try something like " Hey try harder,youve done your best,I believe you can do better,I believe in you!"Even if em fails.Keep saying it.Yes you might laugh,but try this in years time to someone close to you,even if you got a child or your lil cousin or friends,I bet it works.The person would wake up&really buck up&shines, yes in a long years time.nothing works fast in life.And if it works,Thank me if am still alive..