Sunday, June 28, 2009, 28.6.09
omg!!
~am shaking!!~
i did something which i always wanted,
which am scared off,
and seriously i got no guts,
YES AM WEAK!!;and for this yes..
and i finally out of yearsssssssssssss,
i finally go against my guts,
today and am still shaking like hell!!
the outcome was seriously scary!!
have i not ever been this shaky!!!!in life!!
idk what would my parents think of the msg??
hmm~i hope they can really really think,
it's ok take time, am fine...human is still human...
humans are slow..and they tend to thing after their mistake..
oh we ain't god...even monks or priest or nun or imam or prophet,
are never out of doing mistakes..this is human..
god created us like this..
but it's better to realise mistake
rather then NEVER!
All i want to say is no one is perfect!
*am thinking of becoming a councellor,in councilling people,when i grow up*
OH THE OUTCOME WAS AS I EXPECTED,
MISUNDERSTANDING
A SCOLDING,&ALL I WROTE IS NO USE
CAUSE ALL CAME IS NEGATIVE TOTS
HMMM~ok ok its ok
i keep this is mind
if my own family can't understand me
how can others?
right?
you live your whole life with them
and they can't understand you
how can others who just knew you?
so why the need to understand me?
oh no need
its OK really
i no need anyone to understand me
cause idgad bout anyone anymore
idc even if you care
my heart has no care nomore
all black!
hatred,mean,anger,alone
don't talk to me now!
I hate everyone
~YES EVEN YOU WHO IS READING THIS!!!~
why care to read?
no i dont need sympathy
i dont need any care
just fuck off
leave me alone
go lead a happy peace life ok
and no need your care or love
i hate you!
__________________________________________________________________
hearts beating fast.it is red fresh.deliciously nice.
tears keeps falling.and now it has dry out.too much.
eyes are too weak to even open.my thought is screaming.
screaming to stop.so does my heart.cause all the freshness.
its turning all dark black.were one dont have any feeling.
were one dont care if people care.dont give a damn.
no not even the tiniest bit.not even care for ownself.
yes its like a piece of nut kept in a black box.
flood in the sea. all lonely in the dark.black.hard.
go with flow. where the currents take it.all else is darkness.
even if current goes ashore the nut is still in the dark.
black box.no use.dark.black.hard.alone.careless.
blood flowing but no care.let it flow.all.slowly.
dead is near.care?no.its the best dead.alone in darkness.
now everythings is darkness and black.
not just pysically but mentally and deeply.
knife?=cut=blood=dead=peace....
now tell me you love me i tell you this....
YOUFUCKINGGOFUCKYOURSELFYOUSOUGLYIHATEYOUFUCKINGGUYS..
ASKMESEXANDISAYOMGNOWONDERYOUSODESPERATEYOUTOOUGLYFORGIRLS..
ANDTELLMEOHYOUSOPRETTYCANIKNOWYOUIWOULDSAYTHISOHTHANKSBUTYOU
AREFUCKINGUGLYANDNOIDONTWANTTOKNOWAFUCKINGPERVERTGUYLIKEYOU
GOFUCKYOURSELFBUYYOURSELFAPUSSYTOYANDPLAYWITHITOHTHEYSELLITON
E-BAYYOUCANGOCHECKITOUT..YOUAREUGLYANDFATANDDESPERATE..OHREALLY
AMIABITCHOHYOUMAKENODIFFERENTIFYOUSAYIAMSOFUCKOFFBITCHBACKSOWHAT
IFAMABITCHYOUARETOOLOLLIKEICAREMUCHIFYOUEVENKILLORSAYMEABITCHALL
IWOULDSAYISOHREALLYTHANKSOKATLEASTIKNOWSOMEONEKNOWAMABITCHOK
ANDWALKSAWAY..MADDATMEOHREALLYAMGLADYOUAREMADATMETHANKSTHAT
WOULDMEANMYEFFORTISNOTATWASTEYAYHUGSKISSES..OHYOUWANTTOKILLME
PLEASEDOIHAVEBEENWAITINGALLMYLIFEFORTHISMOMENTPLEASEDOANDIWOULD
GLADLYAPPRECIATEITOHAMVERYTOUCHEDYOUWANTTOHELPMEOHMYAMCRYING
NOWREALLYREALLYILOVEYOUTOOMUCHFORDOINGAFAVORWHATCANIHELPINRETURN
HAUNTSYOUAMOKWITHTHATREALLYBUTSERIOUSLYAMVERYVERYTHANKFULTOYOU
FORVOLUNTEERINGTOKILLMEOKILLSTOPCALLINGYOUABITCHORADESPERADOIFYOU
DOTHATIWOULDBENICETOYOUTHENPLEASEDOKILLMEANDILOVEYOUTODEATH:)
Saturday, June 27, 2009, 27.6.09
why does everyone sees the bad side of me only?
and what all the good deeds I've done for them??
all wasted...i told you no one in this world is appreciative!! and thankful!!
like seriously i care for everyone i know!~
and i can tell you this...
ok am not good in telling,
but am good in showing..
cause i seriously have no guts in telling.....
no one knows that everynight,
before i sleep i think of my past,
bad past?good past?everything,
and i can tell you thanks if you had been in my life before,
am thankful for the memories,idc if it's bad or good..
it still a past...and seriously everyone is speaking bullshit of moving on!~
yes you can move on.. but the memory is still can't be erase..
unless you hit your brain on a stone hard..or u're a person who is like the guy in "butterfly effect"
even he still remembers after he read all the diaries..
all i can say is am very very THANKFUL!!~and i still thinks of you..
oh what i want now!!hug chris..cause he always makes me cry!cause he too sweet and caring and always making me special!~and i can tell you not all the guys out there is nice like him..idk ..........
most guys only care for the body,seriously...i know that!!i know guys have a hell of high uncontrolness on these issues... but seriously..no girl, idk others....like being made a TOY!
expecially me an emotional girl....idc if you hate me,its better!!then being nice and quietly care and all but with motive..i hate people like this.. it's more painful then receiving a hate from a person who hates you and say it on ur face!!!
but nvrmind!!.. IDC really.. even if i care, no one really cares..so it's better not to say or pretend i don't care..cause it's better cause it makes me not think of it.. makes myself busy..makes my mind busy..work work work..
thats why i need work to put my mind at ease.. so it won't think to much else then WORK.
idc if it get sicks...my body all i want is my mind to be busy!!too busy to think of all the past..and think of how am i going to work ltr?oh must do this.. yes.. do that.. work this work that..oh ok a break 5 mins.. ok passss 5 mins back to work..quick sch!! start!! i miss sch life now!!~:(
Thursday, June 25, 2009, 25.6.09
hey life had been a lil improving~
but am still thinking why am i still feeling solemly sad?
whats missing now?am confuse now..
love?i have..too much ..
friends yup..only now and secretly missing everyone..
the truth here.....................
once you've been with me,have any connection with me..
idc if you don't think or care bout me...
i still do think of you..yes the past..or now..is still the same..
i still remember every person whom i go thru in life with me..
well it would be a lie if i said i think everytime,everyday,everyhours..
but i still thinks at times..usually when am alone.......am much a thinker..
it'll takes the whole day if i would to list everyone....but hey people i miss and think of you still.
and everyday i wake up it be a new day,
life had been bitchy,but still theres times when am serious..
fun is fun,serious is serious...and i can still be very serious and thats when i would,
wake up and do everything straight!!like NOW! and don't expect me to be talking crap rite now.
i miss my girls!!very much!!
syuha,aida,yami,vee,rina,khad,liza,ais
LOVE YOU & NEVER DIESSSS..
(i know i dont say this f-2-f..you might think am too mushy or turning lesbian haha..but i mean it.love you guys very much!!)
i know am a very emotional person,HUSH,thats just who i am really..
am sensitive yes! so what..soyabean,mr bean..hahahas *LAME*(-_-)
And get this straight once you are in my friend friend list,
i will always love and be there and think of you...don't care..
if you don't towards me. i still be a caring,lovable,nice friend to you all...
and secretly i care for all of you!so don't think that no one care!
i admit theres times when am being an ass, everyone has their ass day..LOL
we all are humans..same same...forgive and forget....we all are not god..we ain't perfect..
today you did a mistake,tom you feel bad,the next day you did the same...continuessssssss
and never say oh am not like that..then i would say BULLSHIT!!,all life is same..
have it ups and down..so hey everyone is the same rite?
and asking for forgiveness from everyone who i did wrong,and thankness to those who have been awesome and make my life wonderful..and
i love you all!!
oh to Christopher--->thanks for making my life awesome and making me special,love you!!but forgive me i got to share my love with the others too... but you will be on top list!!:)and i thanks you alot for being very sweet and nice to me..very very thankful ALOT!and knowing the real real me, and helping and caring for me,sharing all my sorrows and happiness and making me special......
and showing me true LOVE.and accepting all the shitness of me..i can say this to you,am not that nice but am thankful to met you!!you are such a sweetie and nice boyfriend and understanding,and all i can promise you is that i would never forget every lil things you did for me,being caring and all the hugs...never, not even if we are apart from each other...and like we said,let see how things work..no rushing, go with the flow..and let the stream led us in life...we can't do nothing,else then wait and see :)....[miss you,kisses,love you <3 hugs]
and YES am just going with the flow of life......what awaits me no one knows.....all i know is i love everyone even if i said i hate them...i don't really meant it..sometimes...it just stupid moody emotion on that time...so yea ....you all soo much appreciated..(^U^)
LOVE MY FAMILY,FRIENDS,NATURE,GOD,EVERYTHING...
:(i want a cat.....
Monday, June 22, 2009, 22.6.09
Wee~
New Update..
Just got back from KL..
of my cousin Wedding..it was OK..
but I eat to much!! until stomach ache...
and my life is Happy currently~
happy and am in LOVE..
BUT STILL SAD LAPTOP CONFISCATED... :(
and I need Work..
Wednesday, June 17, 2009, 17.6.09
Wow
What am I?
Tell me Guys??
Seriously am telling You How things have Change for me..
Drastic Change~ don't ask me WHY?or WHAT?
But am Thankful..
IDC what others want to think of me!
FUCK YOU BACK!!
And Please Don't ask me if I want to be Yours or SHIT!!~
PLEASE KNOW THE REAL ME!!, then i'll give you a chance!!~
and AM NOT A FUCKING BITCH!~
oh Please don't misunderstand me,when am being too caring and nice,
am always like that,coz i think all people need to be respected,
but wheres mine?? and oh well!!~don't rush in falling for me
or asking me to be yours!! know me...the real me!!
"i dont fall for any guys easily,and i don't care if you own the fucking white house,
a car,bike,plane or helicopter, all i need is true love!! and it takes me dayssssss or weeks
or even months or years to fall for a guy.. and once i like a guy, idc bout others...and idc how
fucking good you look, unless you look like -->list below(haha)LOL...."
Ruki
Tsukasa
Hiroto
Hikaru
Tora
Hyde
Gackt
Yamamoto Yusuke
Seto Koji
Miyavi
Uruha
Kyo
Kai
hahahas(lists continuess......all my idolsssss)
:P
shall be continued....
am done with epi 6&7 of atashinchi no danshi!!!
AND AM THINKING MUCH NOW!!~
i want to stop all the shitssssss...IDK..~
argh!...ok..idk..feeling shitty now..
Thursday, June 11, 2009, 11.6.09
Hey~ it's been a while!!
and Alot Happened and is happening~
and Seriously I feel like Bursting OUT!!~
sometimes!!
~.Yes Shit Happens.~
And Like Seriously I want to get things UP straight to all People;
FOR GOD SAKE FUCK OFF IF YOU THINK AM A BITCH!!~
am NOT!!!!,SO FUCK OFF!!~OR FUCK YOURSELF!~
Is it Wrong to be Nice and Caring towards Friends or random person?
and is it Wrong to be ME?is it Wrong for me to have a HAPPY LIFE?
But I thanks the people for hating or loving me~
much appreciation,no matter how the experience is,
it is still what I encountered in my Life~
and I know Life is never Perfect,Never for me~
And No one is Perfect,neither am I~
So yea,you are still a PART of my life,past or present or upcoming~
~So yea be Happy and see ahead!~
BE POSITIVE
Ganbatte mas!
Oh yea out of all the Shit Happens,
I pass my Exam,WAD.
really i tot i was gonna Fail~
Hahas,but shockingly I pass!!
Congrats to myself~
From my Experimental,done and think!~
Now I know who is Nice,who is Not,who is Just Having Fun,and who is my real friends..
How Guys React when you say YES or NO to them.
What they really want out of a girl,seriously~
looks is deceiving~yes!! promise is bullshit!!~
and lots more...etc..~
Yea am NOT gonna CRY or be MAD,
no more!!~ am just going with the FLOW~
oh yea~i miss my friends~
LOVE you guys~
mention here:
work friends,[syuha,aida,syafiq,fandi,huihui,linda,zhongwei,lin,naser,irfan,chewsue,nadiah,
ain,cheng,xing,wenhao,edmond,eric]
(was the best moment working with you guys!!)
arich gabriel,Cheisyanya!,khad!
(i miss out multi convos together!!~alot!!!*CRIES!!where you go missing ppl!!*best moment of my entire life/moment)
Akira,
(glad i know you!!conclude,out of 100% of the ppl i know in tagged you are the most nicest,
and NICE NICE to me~i wish I can go Japan and meet you...)
rina!!(bff),
(miss our moments together always!!!)
syuha&yami!!
(miss allllllllllllll the moments!!!!!!~~)
vee!,(miss our fun moments!)
Khadijah!,Faiszah!,Aisyah Begum!,Rina!~
(oh yea girls i miss girl night out during our sch days)
classmates in schools
~(miss every memories we have together,bad or fun)
Basically my real real friends..
and those who is really am real really Nice and Care for me(^O^)
LOVE YOU GUYS!!
Sunday, June 7, 2009, 7.6.09

Dear Nurul,
Here is your single's love horoscope
for Sunday, June 7:
Today, organize something -- a boating trip, a bird watching expedition, whatever. You'll have a great time, and if you're lucky and not too hung up on it, you could fall in love.
thats what my horoscope said for today!
hmmmm~ really?? i don't feel any LOVE currently...
just that i;m losing HOPES on guys~
really really...
maybe I should be a GUY? be a LESBIAN?
LOL!~ hahas............
IDK,sometimes it's SAD..
that things are not like I wanted~
and because of past encounter~
am scared to TRUST or LOVE anyone anymore~~
am in HYDE mood!~
Season Call!
Oh well Tom Exam Btw~
I know how to do Most ~
But still I'm lacking of Confidence..
IDK why?it's like i'm guessing that i would go BLANK COMPLETELY..
during the test..oh please NOT!~ pray hard!!~~
oh Thks Syuha&Vincent&Aizan&the rest if i forgot to mention;
for encouraging me for the study,
so much appreciation to you people!!!...
SO NEED TO RELEASE MY FUCKING STRESS NOW!!~
and get over and done with the Fucking Exam~
YES YES!!~
Thursday, June 4, 2009, 4.6.09
Hmm~
I Learnt something NEW in life~
Never to TRUST people in LIFE!~
Not even if they're CLOSE or NICE~
and yea People out There are MEAN!~
THE NICEST they are the MEANER they are actually,
rather know a BAD PERSON who shows their hatred~
from the start!~with that someone wouldn't bother to even
CARE!~
oh yea~and people come and go~
they come only when they need something..
and when they have something new in life,
they forget completely about the old thing~
hmmm~ even if the old thing use to be the place they hang on to~
when sad,happy,tired,sick etc....
maybe I should be MEAN&BITCHY and not care,
care for oneself only?? being selfish is the term~
hmmmmmmmm~~
Alot happened recently~
memories..bad and good~
exam on monday and got to go help out for my cousin WEDDING
later at night~hmmmmmmm~oh my!!~
btw Akira-kun will not be on9 ever again!!
and his close bro got shoot by someone~
and moving...oh my FUCK am soo worried and SAD for him!!~
ARGH!!! shit la!~he's a nice guy..not like some guys !!!
i wish i knew him in person~i want to migrate to JAPAN!!
am not saying that all guys are bad.. theres few i knew which is NICE too~
so yea~:) no offence guys~~
and our last convo was~~
king_majime2009: ok just always remember thres a person you meet in the tagged and that person really loveyou
king_majime2009: its me baby
king_majime2009: bye bye
awe!~ such a sweet and nice boy!!~
TC!~hope he's fine!!~
please..
and NOW thanks to MingXuan,
I'm fine,thanks for trying to cheer me up,
and hearing my problem!! ..
(^U^)
am glad I knew theres some people
who care & love for me~
THANKS guys!~
*hugs hugs*
Monday, June 1, 2009, 1.6.09
Konnichiwa!~
Been a while since I post,
OK here's the new thing..
Bad things is UP, at the same time GOOD things
am still GLAD,and I DON'T CARE,
was past is pass,
now it's new!!~
recently,alot of people are calling/adding me up!~
haha~ NO I'AM NOT GETTING POPULAR!
boo ~ i'm never gonna be pop, don't suit me..
But hey i deserve a NICE guy!
Akira-kun!~
私が好き ,
しかし、私たちの間の距離が嫌い! 〜
と私は本当に私はあなたと一緒にいいなあ! ,
知っているとi dont ,どうやって?あなた本当に を感じる ,
しかし わたし 希望 それは 真実の愛 ...
私は十分心痛の、そう私は、ハッピーとノーマルの中に見えるかもしれませんが本当に、本当に.. whats表示されませんなぜ必要か?過去のものを超えている! 〜と私はあまり考えていないのがベストだと思う、それだけが原因だった..私はこの粗悪FUCKINGもう十分だと私を病気にするに行く! definedly泣くとしたり、感謝されていない人々の病気になるつもりはない! 〜だから、みんなのCANファックオフ! !本当! ! 〜幸せにするために私は自分の人生の中で男は必要ありません! 、 I'am私は、シングルとして幸せです...まだ10代の人がラブ&ケアのためのあこがれ..私と考えているが、 1日予定私に誰かいる! 〜と彼は私に私のこと好きだ!ではなく、私のおっぱいや体!!...しないと、私に見えるときは、友達と感情サッド....で私が必要としているその際に必要ですか?私は、私を感じるような中古なんて大嫌い!午前には、 [ OK ]をFUCKINGビッチ! !ともっといい人に値する!(you can translate it here!this site if you want to know!!)
http://www.collinslanguage.com/extras/Translation.aspx
BTW AM NOT A BITCH TO RELY ON!~
love me for me!~
aishiteru ~
20-01-1990
Aquarius
Arabic+Ind
Age: 20
Updated new : 30th March
As i've renewed my blog am thinking of making it to a forum where i gives my opinion and help others, the dos' & donts' of what i've learnt. if theres any enquiries or things which make you guys
feel uncomfortable you guys can always send me a message here,
Gmail
or can personally talk to me via my mail online,
msn, missy_angel5@msn.com
yahoo, crashedlegend